A Letter to my Younger Self ✒️
An exercise in finding objectivity as a memoirist
The other day I was shuffling through (one of my many) bookshelves, and came across a little gem. It was clearly waiting for me to rediscover it: “What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self” edited by journalist/author Ellyn Spragins. Published in 2006, it’s a collection of letters written by extraordinary women, to their younger selves, sharing wisdom they wished they’d had. Wise and accomplished women like Cokie Roberts, Beverly Sills, Madeleine Albright, Rebecca Lobo, Lee Ann Womack, Trisha Yearwood, Jane Bryant Quinn, Roz Chast, Picabo Street, Olympia Dukakis, Nora Roberts, and Maya Angelou are just a few whose essays are in the book.
I think I got this book around 2016 when I was in a low place, deep into trying to figure stuff out. Actually I’m always deep into trying to figure stuff out, but at that time I was sucking up every ounce of therapy and wisdom I came cross, and this little book showed itself. I never actually read it back then. I didn’t have the objectivity to “get” it. Now I get it, and so today I decided to write my younger self, my fifty year old self, a letter.
Dearest Karena,
I know you’re saying “How did I get to be fifty?” but trust me, fifty isn't old. Even though you feel as if you’ve made (more than a few) mistakes, and wish you’d done some things differently, you’ve created a meaningful life filled with love, comfort and joy. You have two wonderful daughters, you’re making art in your beautiful new studio, and you know how lucky you are. You’re learning that gratitude is powerful. Ultimately it will be what gets you through the next twenty years.
You don’t know it yet, but you’re about to enter the hardest and darkest time of your long life. As you traverse the upcoming rocky years, you’ll wonder how your lovely life could have turned on a dime into a hall of mirrors, and you will also make the biggest mistake of all. Although it will be devastating, you’ll get through that, too.
Though you planned to grow old with the man you married, and travel and have a long life together, that won’t be happening. But you will come to understand that being alone is not the same as loneliness— I know you’re afraid of that, and that you can’t imagine being solo. But you’ll find that being alone is an extraordinary form of strength. Also— forgiveness is a hard thing to embrace, but once you learn how powerful it is, it will be an important tool in your tool kit for becoming wise.
Although you think you’ve figured things out now, at fifty, over the next twenty years you will grow into truly being yourself. And you’ll learn so much along the way.
Mistakes can be incredible opportunities for fixing and finding ourselves. You will make a whole bunch more before you figure that out, and the biggest one will upend your life. But guess what— you’ll figure out how to turn it upright again and get back on your feet. And— surprise— you’ll also go to graduate school and earn your MFA in studio art at age fifty-seven! And you’ll go on to have many solo exhibitions and create a life as an artist. And by the way— you’ll become a grandmother at age sixty-nine. 😊
And though you won’t find another true love or life partner, you will discover that you can be your own best partner, and that you can live a meaningful creative, fulfilling life all on your own. You’ll go through the wringer, but will come out more alive than you thought possible. You are blessed! And at age sixty-six, you will find yourself living in that amazing loft you’ve dreamed about since you were an art student back in the ‘70s. You’ll also have open heart surgery, and survive!
And oh, by the way. Little piece of advice. Think before you speak. You know you can be impulsive and tend to be impatient, and yes, a little bossy. ( Just sayin’.) Work on being more self aware, and more aware of others, as you continue to grow into your wisdom.
So, Karena, continue on, take deep breaths, forgive yourself and others for all the mistakes, and buckle up for the ride of your life over the next twenty years. You’ll be fine !
And you might even write that book you’ve been thinking about for years.
Sending you boatloads of love,
Karena
Have you ever written your younger self a letter? If not, do you want to give it a try? Leave a comment and let me know!
Finding community and fostering conversation here at Continuing Wonderment is important to me, and I truly appreciate your thoughts and input.
That's inspiring and beautiful, Karen.
On a similar theme, have you seen the movie My Old Ass, starring Aubrey Plaza? Similar theme of a 39-year old meeting and advising her 18-year old self. Really well done.
Great letter. I haven’t done it yet but plan to do it. You brought hope and tenderness and objectivity to it… well done! 🙋♀️❣️