Stopping Trying
creating from the inside out, without trying
“There is no try, there is only do.” Yoda
Confession: As a young(er) artist, I used to try to be a certain way, look a certain way.1 I tried not to, but couldn’t help wondering if I was talented enough, attractive enough, smart enough, cool enough. Wondered how others would see me and/or my art. If my art was “good” enough, different enough, unique enough, powerful enough, inventive enough. If it was really meaningful. If it made a difference.
Many creatives confront this personal questioning. Although I consistently fought that stupid and annoying monkey on my back for years, and I eventually had plenty of success, prizes, accolades and sales, the nagging always remained: “What? You think that’s good art? who are you kidding? who do you think you are?” This kind of thinking is a product of fear. Fear of what? Being rejected? Failure? Being seen as not accomplished enough, or worse, a fraud? Being found out that I wasn’t really who I pretended to be? (see: impostor syndrome)
I know I’m not alone. Many young (or not-so-young) artists/creatives are concerned with being edgy, cool, hip, trying their damnedest to impress. Granted, most artists want to make art that will sell, so there’s that… I know the feeling well. Wanting, desiring, hoping for acknowledgement and “success”, wanting to stand out in the crowd, be “different”, get “known”. Seeking fame, and thereby fortune.
I was seeking to be noticed for talent while at the same time trying to hide. Wanting accolades and acknowledgment while also wanting to get out of my own head, out of my own way, in order to make art that I felt was meaningful. The ego at work— double edged sword, in some ways.
I was younger then (duh) and have since found the wisdom of embracing who and what and where I am, now, at this much later stage in my creative life. It’s a relief.
“Art is not entertainment. It is the way to what matters in our lives. To conquer our fears, we must face them, turn their ugly lies to beautiful truth, and share what we have made of them on the page or the stage.” Danny Gregory
Artist/writer/thinker all-around amazing and inspiring human Danny Gregory has written a lot about facing our creative fears. I’ve ruminated and written on this topic as well. And then of course there’s the incomparable Rick Rubin, and his 2023 tome The Creative Act: A Way of Being. I’ve read and reread it, with lots of underlining, and it remains a go-to source of inspiration about living this creative life with its perils and gifts. I delivered a 2023 presentation entitled The Drive to Create: Spirit as an Essential Aspect of Artmaking which referenced that book, with my own thoughts and observations woven in. Yet another book that has helped me find my way through this ego-maze stuff is Art & Fear: Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking by David Bayles and Ted Orland. (first published in 1994, folks, and still as timely as ever— updated in 2001.)
Funny thing. As we begin stopping the “trying”, we begin to no longer worry about what others think, so much. And the aging thing is helpful, too. Along with all its upsets, worries, annoyances and aches and pains, aging brings wisdom, acceptance and letting go— if we embrace it.
Not an uncommon affliction for angsty art school students.
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Beautiful Karen. Ageing answered many of the youthful questions.
Thanks for sharing with honestly Karen and for sharing resources. It helps to know we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings related to "being good enough".